Ben Hogan: “I play with friends, but we don't play friendly games.”
“Relax? How can anybody relax and play golf? You have to grip the club don't you?”
“As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round.”
Bob Allen: “The fun you get from golf is in direct ratio to the effort you don't put into it.”
Bobby Jones: “Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course, the space between your ears.”
Bob Hope: “Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.”
“If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.”
Byron Nelson: “The only shots you can be dead sure of are those you've had already.”
Dave Hill: “The golf swing is like sex. You can't be thinking about the mechanics of the act while you are performing.”
“Golf is the hardest game in the world to play, and the easiest to cheat at.”
Gary Player: “The harder you work, the luckier you get.”
Harry Tofcano: “I'm hitting the woods just great, but I'm having a terrible time getting out of them.”
Jack Nicklaus: “Golf is not and has never has been a fair game.”
“I think I fail just a bit less than everyone else.”
Lee Trevino: “You can make a lot of money as a pro golfer. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.”
“There are two things you can do with your head down – play golf and pray.”
“When I'm on a golf course and it starts to rain and lightning, I hold up my one iron, 'cause I know even God can't hit a one iron.”
“I'm going to win so much money this year; my caddie will make the top twenty money-winners list.”
“Putts get real difficult the day they hand out the money.”
“No one who ever had lessons would have a swing like mine.”
“You don't know what pressure is until you've played for five dollars a hole with only two in your pocket.”
“I'm in the woods so much I can tell you which plants are edible.”
“Golf, it's the most fun I've ever had with my clothes on.”
“I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes they would have come up sliced.”
“If my IQ had been two points lower I'd have been a plant somewhere.”
“I'm hitting the driver so good I gotta dial the operator for long distance after I hit it.”
Mark Twain: “Golf is a good walk spoiled.”
Paul Harvey: “Golf is a game in which you yell 'fore', shoot six and write down five.”
Tommy Bolt: “Golf is a game where guts and blind devotion will always net you absolutely nothing but an ulcer.”
“The greatest liar in the world is the golfer who claims he plays the game for merely exercise.”
Tom Watson: “A lot of guys, who have never choked, have never been in the position to do so.”
Winston Churchill: “Golf is a game whose aim it is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole with weapons singularly ill designed for the purpose.”
Don Carter: “One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that it's really, really hard to lose a bowling ball.”
Ken Venturi: “A student of mine said he wanted to get more distance, so I told him to hit it and run backwards.”
Chi Chi Rodriguez: ”I read the greens in Spanish, but I putt in English.”
Bruce Litsky: “The only thing in my bag that works is the bug spray.”
Buddy Hackett: “I've had a good round of golf when I don't fall out of the cart.”
David Letterman: Golf vs. Sex – David Letterman's Top Ten Reasons Why Golf Is Better Than Sex…
No. 10 – A below par performance is considered damn good.
No. 9 – You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.
No. 8 – It's much easier to find the sweet spot.
No. 7 – Foursomes are encouraged.
No. 6 – You can still make money doing it as a senior.
No. 5 – Three times a day is possible.
No. 4 – Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.
No. 3 – If you live in Florida, you can do it almost everyday.
No. 2 – You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.
And the Number 1 reason Why Golf is Better Than Sex is…
If your equipment gets old and rusty, you can replace it.
Anonymous: “Golf is what you play when you're too old and out of shape to play softball.”
“I found out that all the important lessons of life are contained in the three rules for achieving a perfect golf swing…
Keep your head down
Have lots of money!”
“My body is here, but my mind has already teed off.”