Golf Terms and Golf Talk
Homesick Gopher – a putted ball that goes straight in without using the lip.
Cellophane Bridge – a putt that goes right over top of the hole.
Grow hair / Grow fangs / Hit a House / Deploy The Chute – what you yell at a putt that needs to slow down In Northern Ontario – Hit a Moose is popular.
Do you eat with those hands? / First day with the new hands? … Said to your buddy after he hits a particularly bad chip or putt.
It's a condom … it's up there and safe but you don't like it.
Human rain delay … a slow player or waiting while a player takes a leak.
Red ass … murdering the next tee shot after just missing a short bogey putt on the previous hole.
A little light in the loafers … hit a putt too easy.
Loft … lack of f**king talent. As in what's your problem – loft!
Thank the monkeys … said when golfer benefits from hitting a tree.
Write when you get work … spoken to a putt that has just past the hole and is still going hard.
I see you played a little float on that shot (or) next time less fade/draw and more float … said to golfer who skims shot off a water hazard to safety/shot skips on water hazard before drowning.
Cart path golf … look to see which side of the fairway the cart path runs. For cart path only days or when you drive it near the cart path.
Pitching wood … said as partner skies their drive.
Got my putter stuck in my bra … said when leaving the putt short or way off line.
Wearing your wife's undies today? said when a man leaves a putt short.
Just like a teenager, it went off in your hands … said to playing partner who just blasted a putt 8 feet past the hole.
One in a row … after you finally hit a decent shot.
We knew there was a hole somewhere … after someone in you foursome finally sinks a putt.
Put some hair around it… When he can't find the hole.
Juan es alto … another saying after someone skies a ding “fore.”
Shank you! … Shank you very much.
I've got my veggie game today … said to your playing partners when your game is lifeless and shows little sign of a pulse. Could also be said when you “dribble” one off the tee.
Oh the humanity! … What you yell after an extremely bad shot.
A.M.F. … ball gone out of bounds is “Adios Mother Fucker!
Does your husband play golf … said to a male player after his putt comes up short.
Better throw a provisional. … When your partner angrily throws a club but it's not in the fairway.
Gargle peanut butter … when someone chokes.
Houston… we have a problem … for very high tee shots.
Mother-in-law putt … nothing but lip.
That'll play … what your playing partner says when you hit the ball, but not all that well.
LPGA putt … goes both ways.
Honeymoon putt … goes off in your hands.
Alice … a putt that comes up short, golfer has no balls.
Lawrence of Arabia … you (or your buddy) has been in the sand all day!
Casual golf … what does not land in the fairway is regarded as casual water.
Leaving nothing in you bag … when you (or a buddy) swings so hard, you do a 360, and almost auger yourself into the ground.
Army golf … left-right-left-right.
Blew by you … you hit your drive past your buddies and call it a Linda Ronstat “blew by you.”
Fore lord! … Your partner yells this after you hitting a ball a mile in the air.
USA … “you shoot again” or “your still away” usually said after someone blows a putt way past the hole and he is still out.
Rommell … hit from one sand trap into another sand trap.
Third world putt … just one more revolution!
Into the kitty litter with all the other shit! … A bad one into the trap.
Boy, this course is hard! … What you say after whiffing the ball completely.
Having a religious golf experience … standing over the ball way too long.
On the dance floor but can't hear the music … the wrong side of a very large green.
Yank it and spank it … fast play golf.
Life is a beach … hit into a sand trap.
Screwing a fat one … chunking the ball, rolling all the way, and ending up 12 inches from the pin. You weren't very proud of it, but it sure feels good!!
Victory lap… All-around good putt … Dolly Parton … a putt that uses all of the cup before falling into the hole.
NBA 3-pointer – shot holed out on the fly.
Acne scars – Lunar landscape- unrepaired ball marks on green.
Getting your money's worth – Many strokes.
Brother-in-law – best-ball partners helping each other out really well.
Bleached skull – ball in sand.
Hit a 3-wood – what you say to somebody who's got a really long putt.
Mexican hat dance – Refers to lots of spike marks around the hole.
Thank you, Mr. Nicklaus – what you say to person who just gave you an unsolicited tip.
In Jail – deep in the trees with no shot out.
Australian rules – playing winter rules in the summer (because it's winter in Australia).
Sansabelt Tour – Geezer Tour – the PGA Senior (Champions) Tour.
Good punt – Hit one straight up in the air.
Pop to short, grounder to third, etc. – Baseball metaphors for bad shots.
Home run – Hit one over everything & out of bounds.
Worm Burner – A shot going a long way on the ground.
Cup Sucker – Ball rims around the hole a few times and does not fall.
Flop-flop – birdie (sound of bird's wings going flop-flop).
Here's looking' at you, kid – refers to a bogey (of course).
Run it out – pop up off the tee.
Touch 'em all – drive hit OB.
Drive for show, Putt for dough, Shank for comic relief.
Golf is a game where the ball lies poorly, and the players well.
Real golfers know how to count over five, when they have a bad hole.
Real golfers don't miss putts, they get robbed.
In golf as in life, it's the follow through that makes the difference.
Golf is an easy game… it's just hard to play.
Real golfers don't cry when they line up their fourth putt.
If there is any larceny in man, golf will bring it out.