Ten Commandments of Business Golf
I. The object of playing the game is to impress; perception is more important than reality.
II. When playing with superiors you must pre-determine the outcome of the match.
III. Observance of the Rules and Etiquette of Golf is mandatory whenever you are in sight of other players.
IV. Always maintain an even temper but take advantage of feigning anger and disgust at strategic moments.
V. Find creative, non-threatening ways of focusing the topic of conversation on the most lucrative deal possible.
VI. Never offer advice; if asked, promptly change the subject.
VII. Always offer compliments to other players even if such recognition is not merited.
VIII. Always offer to pay for incidentals like balls, hot dogs and your wagering losses.
IX. Your bag should contain a flask of bourbon and a half dozen fine cigars and you should not fail to generously offer them to your colleagues.
X. Always bring your pocket phone or pager on the course and make sure it rings at least once.
The Golfing Executive
For the junior exec on the rise, it is essential to create a work environment that promotes efficiency, comfort and professionalism, and offers you plenty of room to groove your game. Your office should be a creative balance between work and golf, emphasizing your devotion to both. Care should be taken to give your office the appearance of your excellent work ethic even if in reality its main functions may be hiding from the boss, making tee times and practicing your swing or putting.
Consider these Business Golf Suggestions
1. Choose an office with a twelve-foot ceiling so you can enjoy an unobstructed swing.
2. Select carpeting that rolls like a putting green.
3. Buy a desk big enough to hide your golf bag beneath but not so big as to diminish your practice area.
4. Festoon your shelves with golf books, trophies and plaques, old tournament clubhouse passes, a collectible or two and an autographed photo of you and your favorite golf pro. A poster of one of those fantasy golf holes is a nice touch, too.
5. Get golf game and handicap computation software on your computer and install a "boss button" in case you're caught unawares.
6. Keep a change of clothes, training aids, astro-turf pad and other golf paraphernalia in the closet. If you don't have a closet, get a ready-to-assemble vestibule and don't forget to install a dead-bolt lock.
Golfer Personality Profiles
One of the most intriguing aspects of golf is the correlation between a person's conduct on the course and that same person's character qualities in life and work. You may have already noticed how golf is uniquely suited to negotiating and closing business deals. Now, using my patented system, you may determine with pinpoint accuracy the personality of your rival on the course and use that insight to further your own greater goals.
The following bits of ancient and royal wisdom are now yours to exploit:
1. If he practices and plays well on the course, he will be eager to learn and a success at whatever he tries.
2. If she doesn't cheat or fudge rules, she will be honest and reward honesty in others.
3. If he dresses appropriately on the course, he will project a positive professional image for his company.
4. If she likes to wager, she will be a bold and creative manager willing to take risks.
5. If he helps look for lost balls, he will be a good team player and always go that extra mile.
6. If she selects clubs confidently, she will be decisive and invariably get whatever she goes after.
7. If he reads greens well, he will be detail oriented and produce high quality work.
8. If she keeps her temper on bad shots, she will handle pressure well and be able to come up with quick innovative solutions to problems.
9. If he keeps a clean score card, he will be neat and systematic and will finish projects in a timely manner.
10. If she replaces divots and rakes traps, she will be conscientious, organized and ready to leave the mistakes of the past behind.