 FEATURE STORY
Drink to golf: Myrtle
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You may eat, you may golf, you may loll on the beach 'til you're pink as a big ol' crab. But at some point, you're going to want to drink.
Let's assume that you're not a tee-totalin' evangelical. And that furthermore, you're sick and tired of gaping open-mouthed at silicon-injected Barbies prancing around a stage and stuffing your hard-earned dollar bills in their G-strings.
Ditch the gentlemen's clubs - you want to go to a bar where real people go. Women, that is to say. And alcohol.
I've put in some hard time on the Grand Strand, and I'm here to offer you my insights, and those of other like-minded hedonists.
Piano bars
Who in America doesn't like to wear a sport coat, drink martinis and pretend it's 1950 and you're Frank Sinatra?
Piano bars are refuges from the frenetic dance joints and gun-club honky-tonks, dark, cozy places where you can sip vodka gimlets and sing along and get all misty-eyed while waiting for that ditzy blonde with the low-cut blouse who's messing up all the words to have one more drink so she won't see what a loser you are until tomorrow morning.
Martinis in North Myrtle Beach is one of my favorites. It can get rowdy late in the evenings. A big bonus here is the filet mignon with shrimp, with the best sauce I've had on the Grand Strand. It's a local hangout that's been through a number of changes over the years and keeps coming back. I hope it stays the way it is.
Crocodile Rocks is a dueling-pianos bar where the songs can get pretty bawdy and the musicians accept requests, especially if you grease their palms. It can get very crowded. Cagney's Old Place is another good spot.
Night clubs
House of Blues is where it's going on, man. They make the drinks strong and the music good. Located at Barefoot Landing and christened in person by Blues Brother Dan Aykroyd and Jim Belushi, this outlet serves good southern food, including great ribs, and features live acts playing everything from folk to pop to rock. Don't miss their Sunday gospel brunches.
Revolutions is a dance club with music from the 1970s on up. It's usually crowded, and the place loves bachelorette parties. The cover charge also gets you into Crocodile Rocks.
2001 Nightclub is three clubs in one: Razzie's Beach Club has live shows, Funky Town a disco beat, and Club Touch spins club jams.
Pubs
Pat and Mike's in Little River serves up pub food and has live entertainment most nights, ranging from Irish folk to karaoke and even standup comedy.
Saloons
Way down yonder in Murrells Inlet, Dead Dog Saloon serves fresh local seafood and the self-proclaimed "world's greatest crab dip." The big outdoor deck is said to be the largest on the Grand Strand, with seating for 260, a great waterfront view and room for dancing and horseshoes.
Sports bars
Broadway Louie's has 50 big-screen televisions, one of them a 25-foot jumbo, and a cool arcade for the cool kids. It opens at noon, no cover. Try the New York-style pizza.
Shag clubs
The Shag is a dance craze that started in Myrtle Beach in the mid-1940s at a dirt-floor joint called The Pad and ran amok up and down the East Coast. You may remember Shag: The Movie with Phoebe Cates and Bridget Fonda. I sure do.
Fat Harold's Beach Club on Main Street in North Myrtle Beach claims to be the home of the Shag. They give free lessons on Tuesdays and $10 lessons on Thursdays.
Studebaker's shags to Motown and beach music. Beware: They promise Myrtle Beach's "zaniest DJs."
Restaurant/bars
Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville is a pure tourist place, but the tourists seem to love it. Personally, after living in Key West for a year, I get nauseous every time I hear a cover band sing, "Nibblin' on sponge cake ..."
Leopards Chase